The Intimacy Lure, Balancing Hormonal Agents and the Brain

As I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating predicament and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to obtain love, and guys utilize love to get sex." This is a great summation of the "Sex Trap."

The Sex Trap is comparable to the Love Trap, where singles analyze good sex as love. However those who fall into the Sex Trap go even farther due to the fact that for these singles, making love carries tremendous significance and effects.

Singles fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two ways:

A.they think sex is a required test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will ready too).

B.more typically, all consciousness heads out the window, and one or both previously level-headed singles consider themselves a dedicated couple as quickly as they have sex.
So, instead of looking at whether this other person may be a match on levels other than physical destination-- such as long-term requirements, needs, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.

No doubt, it can be challenging to stay connected with truth when all those hormonal agents are cutting loose. Our body responds to somebody we are brought in to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone (increases sexual desire), that makes the opportunity to make love with somebody we are brought in to extremely hard to resist. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce feelings), which makes us feel really close to and bonded with our sex partner.

These chain reactions are involuntary and strong , resulting in powerful feelings of tourist attraction, enjoyment, love, wellness, and nearness .

When problems arise, those who fall into the Sex Trap often rationalize by believing, "Well, we've got issues, but the sex is fantastic!" They most likely would not confess it, but they focus on physical intimacy and concern the rest as optional. Their main scouting tools are sexual destination and physical compatibility.

Barry North, an RCI coach who works primarily with gay males, says that many of his customers have fallen under the Sex Trap.

" For gay men particularly in urbane areas, sex is easily offered, and that in itself is a trap," North says. Why waste your time if the sex isn't really going to be good?".

North includes, "I suspect this is a ' man' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do desire to explain that chemistry is very important. Chemistry is a provided that we cannot manage in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it must be there Source for the partnership to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry take place, though sometimes it can grow in time.

Songs who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry risk relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication subsides and reality hits.

To prevent the Sex Trap, you need to stabilize your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This suggests integrating chemistry with typical sense. While excellent sex is crucial for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner options by paying full attention to your vision, objectives, worths, and requirements -- while feeling all those interesting sparks!

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